Blurgh Witch: A Blair Witch review.

Directed by: Some Hack.

Starring: *shrugs*

Please pardon the rudeness of my introduction to this review, I really don’t like being THAT guy when it comes to critiquing, but this film annoyed me beyond all belief that any sense of professional decorum went out the window. Blair Witch is a dumb film that is under the illusion that it is smart, really it is just an extremely clumsy retread of a much better film.

Held together by the ridiculous premise that Heather Donahue’s brother is under the belief that his sister who has been missing for 22 years is still alive somewhere in the Black Hills forest as he has seen what he believes to be her on unconvincing grainy DV film found by a pair of rednecks in a tree. So yeah, better gather together all my camera tech including, I shit you not, a drone & ear cams, and head off dragging my easily coerced friends into the woods, seriously if one group of people deserved a Darwin Award in stupidity…

The Blair Witch Project was an original and welcome shot in the arm for horror fans at the turn of the century, Blair Witch however is far more content in trying to contemporise and one up the original films key tropes rather than try anything truly innovative, in doing so they utterly lose their audience even going as far as to show us the Blair Witch, a massive mistake, as said apparition is laughably bad robbing the final portion of the film of all credible tension, more likely to raise a titter than a scream.

More than anything I found Blair Witch insulting, insulting to the legacy of a much better film acting more as a shameless cash-in, insulting of its audiences intelligence, that they will literally sit through any old crap if it is canonical to a classic so why even try right?! Blair Witch is everything that is wrong with modern horror, it’s loud, cheap & stupid yet operates as if it’s something more than an empty, soulless hack job. Avoid.


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